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By Tom Elia
August 15, 2004
The New Editor
There are few things more enjoyable than a good party.
The good host has just the right selection of potables, plenty of munchies, and an invitation
list that results in lots of thoughtful, stimulating conversation.
Sipping on the delicious homemade beer that the host provides, I watch as the drinks flow,
listen to stories, and have some laughs. Everyone seems to be having a good time -- until my
former work colleague Blind Lefty arrives.
Hey Lefty, how are you doin'?
"Don't ask."
What's the problem, Lefty?
"Things are not too good, what with this terrible Bush economy and the illegal war in Iraq
and what not."
What happened, did you lose your job, Lefty?
"No. But I probably will soon. It's only a matter of time with that idiot Bush in office. He's
such a moron. We need a new president."
Well, I guess an economic slowdown was to be expected after the economic boom of the
90s, the subsequent bursting of a large stock market bubble, the September 11 attacks, and
the war against terrorism. I'm not sure we can blame Bush for that.
"The weak economy is Bush's fault; he also knew about September 11. The American media
is covering it all up. You should read the UK newspaper The Guardian if you want to know
the truth. Have you seen what happens when you fold a twenty-dollar bill just so? It looks
just like the September 11 attack on the Pentagon. Do you think that is an accident? The
Republicans stole the election so they could install Bush as a puppet and invaded Iraq so they
could bomb the place back to the Stone Age. They needed a way for Halliburton and other
defense and oil companies to be able to suck money from the pockets of middle class and
working class Americans."
Lefty, quiet down. People are beginning to hear you. Don't you notice how they're slowly
shuffling away from you? Here, have a beer.
"The American people are so ignorant. If you want to know the truth, you should read Noam
Chomsky or see 'Fahrenheit 9-11.' Chomsky and Michael Moore know what the truth is."
I have read some of what Mr. Chomsky has to say, Lefty. For example, of the Cold War he
once said: "The United States was picking up where the Nazis had left off." Of course, the
only difference was that the US invasion of Poland didn't go nearly as well as the Nazis' one
did, Lefty.
"The US is a terrorist regime," Lefty pleads. "Read Chomsky, you'll see."
Lefty, Chomsky denied that the Khmer Rouge killed millions in Cambodia, saying that reports
of genocide were based on "unreliable" accounts and that the fact that a "few thousand" died
was "aggravated by the threat of starvation resulting from American distraction and killing."
If only that damned Pol Pot had stayed on his Kansas farm where he belonged, Lefty. Then
none of that would have happened.
"It was America's fault; Noam Chomsky is right," Blind Lefty blurted. "Now the US has
engaged in another racist war in Iraq, this time at the behest of Big Oil. The Republicans are
such cold-blooded racists, that's why they're against affirmative action and for bombing
innocent civilians."
Lefty, did you know that Noam Chomsky also wrote the introduction to a book written by
Robert Faurisson, a Holocaust Denier who has written that 'the Jews' were responsible for
World War II, and that there were no death camps in Nazi-occupied Europe, who said that
the genocide perpetrated by the Nazis didn't happen and the "myth" that it did is the result of
"massive lies" told by "American Zionists"? Noam Chomsky wrote the introduction to a book
written by the man that spreads this nonsense, Lefty.
Blind Lefty looks me straight in the eye and says, "So"?
That's when I decided not to get into Michael Moore's assertions.
Look at that, Lefty, I need a refill.
Like I said, one of the things about a good party is the selection of libations.
Quickly finishing my beer, I walk to the bar and switch drinks, opting for something
stronger. I make a martini with a twist, shake my head, and pour heavy.
And then I light up a smoke and make another martini.
I try to avoid Blind Lefty the rest of the night, because besides good booze and good snacks,
one of the other things that defines a good party is thoughtful, stimulating conversation, and
right now Blind Lefty ain't got what it takes.
Tom Elia is a contributing editor for The New Editor.
Paul Geary
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